Sunday, July 24, 2011

You're going to choke on that

Harder than it looks
This week, at spin class, I saw a woman chewing gum. For the entire hour long class.

For those that don't know, spinning is an intense, indoor exercise where you pedal a stationary bike for around an hour to the beat of fast (or slow) music. Lots of resistance for your legs, lots of sweat.

Did I mention it is intense? Last time I brought a friend to spin class with me, they almost passed out.

And here this woman was, chewing gum through the workout. And she was no slouch either; she was soaked with sweat by the time the workout ended.

Two thoughts flashed through my head.

The first was, You're going to accidentally inhale that and choke.

And that was immediately followed by, Oh my goodness, please don't do that; I'm not a doctor yet.

The woman was seated almost directly behind me, so I could see her in the mirror as I cycled. So I spent the entire class watching her out of the corner of my eye, with this irrational fear that she was going to get her gum lodged in her throat and likely die at any moment.

I had to resist the urge to warn her about the dangers of chewing gum while breathing heavily. Here is how that conversation played out in my mind:

Me (awkwardly): "Um, I noticed that you are chewing gum there. Be careful you don't accidentally inhale that or I'll have to give you a very layperson tracheotomy with a pen and a mini flashlight. And I've only seen one of them, so it probably won't go well."

Her: "Who're you - my mum?"

Holy crap. Am I turning into my mother already? Is this what motherhood is going to be like? Have I started turning motherly and I don't even have a kid yet?

Worse, what if she really did need a doctor? I'm so close I can taste it, but how much life saving technique will I really learn in the first two years?

I can just imagine as she is choking, "Oh too bad. If only you'd caught me after my emergency medicine rotation, I would know how to get that out besides the obvious Heimlich maneuver."

So, people of the world, you are on notice. There will be no dying until I am a doctor and can help you. I mean it.

1 comment:

  1. Spinning is very hard for me. I cant even think about expending more oxygen with gum chewing!!!!!